90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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