She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
