Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
