are you so shy because you have an std?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
