I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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