o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
