Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
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Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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