So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
