Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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