drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
