She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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