We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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