sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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