Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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