The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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