im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
