My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
