Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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