After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
