I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
