Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
