how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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