I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
