My nipple is on Facebook.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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