his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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