I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm jealous of your bromance
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Randomize
