meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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