I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
