I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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