your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
