WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
