Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
