I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
