toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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