If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
