fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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