I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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