Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
