Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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