i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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