i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize