I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
