party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
