What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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