Umm I'm too high to move.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
