one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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