Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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