i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
