I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
