I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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