No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
