Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
