Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
