I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
