His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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