...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
