It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize