ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
