I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm both gender and math confused
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
