i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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