weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
