I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
