paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
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I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
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So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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