a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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