After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
