I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
