there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
