remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i want to swaddle you in tequila
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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