I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
