So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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