this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
