Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize