things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
