Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
