True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
