making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
