just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
