Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Use "feeling words"
Yay
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
