im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
