Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
operation harelip BJ is a go
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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