I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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