We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Text me some of your sweat
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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